“I loved you, you made me, hate me. You gave me, hate, see?. It saved me and these tears are deadly. You feel that? I rip back, every time you tried to steal that. You feel bad? you feel sad? I’m sorry, hell no fuck that! It was my heart, it was my life, it was my start, it was your knife. This strife it dies, this life and these lies. And these lungs have sung this song for too long, and its true I hurt too, remember I loved you!”
Dreams Shattered.. Time To Rethink.. I Think its high time i posed this… been so lonely and sad…i hesitated to post this first…but here we go… Page One Day One Of The Event Life is so messed up..No one can help me..not even my friends… so… i had my thoughts…i had my choices…my one logical answer was to become a hermit…someone isolated…who studies on his own..had his own principles had his own things… has only himself to trust…But i tell you ..i trust aikore..more than i trust myself at times… but i feel like i am nothing but a burden to him..so hermit is an option..a widely open choice for me.it will take time it will hopefully tranquilize my mind…allowing it to freshly ..  This choice i will make to not be a burden to aiko.. he has already so much to worry about..he always will have me around….we are almost like blood brothers..speaking of brotherhood.. our clan our family has been in the deep pit…two of our dearest has started a feud…and to tell you the truth..it has been hitting me hard…as much it has hit aiko..i couldnt believe this started over a lousy twenty ruffiyaa..and that it has gone overboard…they cant even look away some few changes that has come over recently to save their friendship…atleast look past it for FRIENDSHIP FOR GOD SAKE… Fuckedup about it yes i am… here i am writing this down on my notepad ..without telling anyone.. this burden of these two fighting and to solve it ill take it up on my self…as an obligation to EGB and what it stands for.. i cant stand two of my dearest small bro’s fight like that….and so struck with worry i cant even focus on my career … photography the past three days has gone down the drain.. i dont think i can take much more…because i even messed up an event.. I NEVER DID THAT.. NEVER MESSED UP AN EVENT….uhh…its taken its toll on me…one of them was willing to let it go and be friends again..but the other one..just refuses to do anything about it and i quote to you what he said ” He Pisses Me Off ” . Page Two Day Two Of The Event And Today as well …deeply thinking about it..i let my mind wander off…and i skipped important pictures… and it cost me a few more scoldings and word let downs by my boss…things i wondered about were like what would happen..how will it effect us..how will this end…and how can i try to solve it..and what will happen if they let go of this friendship. and will it happen to me..will they hate my guts.. will they actually listen to me …so i decided i must talk to them as planned tonight..its a rare thing to see me choking on photography.. but i must say this thing bothers me a lot…and keeps me worried a lot… and letting my boss telling me to keep my social life away…little did he know that this was like more than my social life..this was my family…this is my family…atleast i hope it will be when my talk was done..i know i worry a bout this a little bit too much..but..sue me for trying to patch up my family….. Todays Entry Here i am now writing this … on my bed..thinking about todays events..and what happened after talking to them..it all crashed and burned up in my face..one just stood up and walked away..after a few words..and i dunno if he’ll ever talk to me ever again…now more than ever i feel so lost and lonely.. i dont think i can turn to aiko… cause this might worry him and i dont want to be a burden to my brother…they didnt really listen to what i had to say…i feel so useless…i feel nothing i do will work if they dont listen to me…NOTHING I DO EVER MATTERS OR HELPS….things like this cause me to like have a headache…and i dont think i can work at all…so after all this..i crash and burn in to the ground .. all my dreams shattering because of one problem…you might think why is this guy crazy and saying this..i got one thing to say…they are my family..and their support means a lot to me… they all mean a lot to me ..more than they  are my clan…they all must think i am butting into thier private lives… but i am not.. i am trying to fix a broken torn apart family…my cry was in vain.. So After All That I Come To Conclusion….. Maybe The Hermit Idea Is Going To Work Allright for me..like look at the hermit crab.. how peaceful it lives…without disturbing people…it disturbs the people if only if it is disturbed… what a peaceful philosophy .i just wanted  them to hear what i had to say..but i guess even that was too much to ask…i just wanted to belong somewhere… ~Iyash

Dreams Shattered.. Time To Rethink..

I Think its high time i posed this… been so lonely and sad…i hesitated to post this first…but here we go…

Page One

Day One Of The Event

Life is so messed up..No one can help me..not even my friends… so… i had my thoughts…i had my choices…my one logical answer was to become a hermit…someone isolated…who studies on his own..had his own principles had his own things… has only himself to trust…But i tell you ..i trust aikore..more than i trust myself at times… but i feel like i am nothing but a burden to him..so hermit is an option..a widely open choice for me.it will take time it will hopefully tranquilize my mind…allowing it to freshly ..  This choice i will make to not be a burden to aiko.. he has already so much to worry about..he always will have me around….we are almost like blood brothers..speaking of brotherhood.. our clan our family has been in the deep pit…two of our dearest has started a feud…and to tell you the truth..it has been hitting me hard…as much it has hit aiko..i couldnt believe this started over a lousy twenty ruffiyaa..and that it has gone overboard…they cant even look away some few changes that has come over recently to save their friendship…atleast look past it for FRIENDSHIP FOR GOD SAKE… Fuckedup about it yes i am… here i am writing this down on my notepad ..without telling anyone.. this burden of these two fighting and to solve it ill take it up on my self…as an obligation to EGB and what it stands for.. i cant stand two of my dearest small bro’s fight like that….and so struck with worry i cant even focus on my career … photography the past three days has gone down the drain.. i dont think i can take much more…because i even messed up an event.. I NEVER DID THAT.. NEVER MESSED UP AN EVENT….uhh…its taken its toll on me…one of them was willing to let it go and be friends again..but the other one..just refuses to do anything about it and i quote to you what he said ” He Pisses Me Off ” .

Page Two

Day Two Of The Event

And Today as well …deeply thinking about it..i let my mind wander off…and i skipped important pictures… and it cost me a few more scoldings and word let downs by my boss…things i wondered about were like what would happen..how will it effect us..how will this end…and how can i try to solve it..and what will happen if they let go of this friendship. and will it happen to me..will they hate my guts.. will they actually listen to me …so i decided i must talk to them as planned tonight..its a rare thing to see me choking on photography.. but i must say this thing bothers me a lot…and keeps me worried a lot… and letting my boss telling me to keep my social life away…little did he know that this was like more than my social life..this was my family…this is my family…atleast i hope it will be when my talk was done..i know i worry a bout this a little bit too much..but..sue me for trying to patch up my family…..

Todays Entry

Here i am now writing this … on my bed..thinking about todays events..and what happened after talking to them..it all crashed and burned up in my face..one just stood up and walked away..after a few words..and i dunno if he’ll ever talk to me ever again…now more than ever i feel so lost and lonely.. i dont think i can turn to aiko… cause this might worry him and i dont want to be a burden to my brother…they didnt really listen to what i had to say…i feel so useless…i feel nothing i do will work if they dont listen to me…NOTHING I DO EVER MATTERS OR HELPS….things like this cause me to like have a headache…and i dont think i can work at all…so after all this..i crash and burn in to the ground .. all my dreams shattering because of one problem…you might think why is this guy crazy and saying this..i got one thing to say…they are my family..and their support means a lot to me… they all mean a lot to me ..more than they  are my clan…they all must think i am butting into thier private lives… but i am not.. i am trying to fix a broken torn apart family…my cry was in vain..

So After All That I Come To Conclusion….. Maybe The Hermit Idea Is Going To Work Allright for me..like look at the hermit crab.. how peaceful it lives…without disturbing people…it disturbs the people if only if it is disturbed… what a peaceful philosophy .i just wanted  them to hear what i had to say..but i guess even that was too much to ask…i just wanted to belong somewhere…

~Iyash


… friends….who make me feel better…. you know what …. i had friends…. i was backstabbed by them…they used me…for money…they had no value.. …of friendship …they used me to thier own benefit..made fun of me..never ever i thought ill trust anyone…then…whoosh i met some people in this gaming tourny… Aikore! =) whoose like my  own flesh and blood… shammu! =) whoose the same! Ikky and battu As well… there was naasty, yeth and annu … they’ve become my family…in so little time…there is one person…in this family… i had a previous time with….he’ll know when he reads this who he is… =) and beleive me ..nothing gives me more happiness to say that its a privilege to start a new begging with you.. and i know i’ve judged you wrong in the past..and have said pretty harsh stuff..and you remember we were at each other’s throats…trying to kill each other….hehe… but now… its all different bro…its the future…we got lotta things up ahead…. it would be my honour to work with you… and lets make this team go for the future EGB FTW <3 ~iyash

… friends….who make me feel better….

you know what …. i had friends…. i was backstabbed by them…they used me…for money…they had no value.. …of friendship …they used me to thier own benefit..made fun of me..never ever i thought ill trust anyone…then…whoosh i met some people in this gaming tourny… Aikore! =) whoose like my  own flesh and blood… shammu! =) whoose the same! Ikky and battu As well… there was naasty, yeth and annu … they’ve become my family…in so little time…there is one person…in this family… i had a previous time with….he’ll know when he reads this who he is… =) and beleive me ..nothing gives me more happiness to say that its a privilege to start a new begging with you.. and i know i’ve judged you wrong in the past..and have said pretty harsh stuff..and you remember we were at each other’s throats…trying to kill each other….hehe… but now… its all different bro…its the future…we got lotta things up ahead…. it would be my honour to work with you… and lets make this team go for the future EGB FTW <3

~iyash

Lost in You <3  I always knew that you’d come back to get me And you always knew that it wouldn’t be easy To go back to the start to see where it all began Or end up at the bottom to watch how it all ends You tried to lie and say I was everything I remember when I said “I’m nothing without you” I’m nothing without you Somehow I found a way to get lost in you Let me inside Let me get close to you Change your mind I’ll get lost if you want me to Somehow I found a way to get lost in you You always thought that I left myself open But you didn’t know I was already broken I told myself that it wouldn’t be so bad But pulling away it took everything I had You tried to lie and say I was everything I remember when I said “I’m nothing without you” I’m nothing without you Somehow I found a way to get lost in you Let me inside Let me get close to you Change your mind I’ll get lost if you want me to Somehow I found a way to get lost in you In you Hey now fear the rise and the fall I see evil in you Now everyday I find myself say “I want to get lost in you” I’m nothing without you Somehow I found a way to get lost in you Let me inside Let me get close to you Change your mind I’ll get lost if you want me to Somehow I found a way to get lost in you A way to get lost in you

Lost in You <3 

I always knew that you’d come back to get me
And you always knew that it wouldn’t be easy
To go back to the start to see where it all began
Or end up at the bottom to watch how it all ends

You tried to lie and say I was everything
I remember when I said “I’m nothing without you”
I’m nothing without you

Somehow I found a way to get lost in you
Let me inside
Let me get close to you
Change your mind
I’ll get lost if you want me to
Somehow I found a way to get lost in you

You always thought that I left myself open
But you didn’t know I was already broken
I told myself that it wouldn’t be so bad
But pulling away it took everything I had

You tried to lie and say I was everything
I remember when I said “I’m nothing without you”
I’m nothing without you

Somehow I found a way to get lost in you
Let me inside
Let me get close to you
Change your mind
I’ll get lost if you want me to
Somehow I found a way to get lost in you

In you
Hey now fear the rise and the fall
I see evil in you
Now everyday I find myself say
“I want to get lost in you”
I’m nothing without you

Somehow I found a way to get lost in you
Let me inside
Let me get close to you
Change your mind
I’ll get lost if you want me to
Somehow I found a way to get lost in you
A way to get lost in you